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I have not been sleeping well lately so the article in Parade magazine about getting a better night's sleep caught my eye. After reading through it I realized that there was a distinct possibility that I might be suffering from Sleep Apnea. Symptoms include waking up 2 - 3 times per night snoring and waking myself up snorting for air. I mentioned this to my doctor while I was having a routine blood test and she said lets send you out for a sleep study. Now I figured that it would take weeks to get scheduled for a Polysonogram but the sleep center had an opening for this past Saturday night so I figured what the heck, lets do it and get it over with and with the 3 day weekend I'd have an extra day to rebound just in case.

The center faxed me over 19 pages of documents to read and fill out prior to my appointment. The stand out item was the comment that sleep medication was not used and that "most people sleep much better in our center than they do at home." Let's just pause and let that hang in the air for a moment.....

Ok....wait for it......wait for it.....wait for it......and here it comes:

BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!!

Explain to me why I will sleep better in a strange place on a smaller bed with a gazillion wires and sensors attached to my head, chest, fingers and legs. I mean at home in my California king sized bed, with my wife to cuddle up against and all the comforts of familiarity, I have problems staying asleep. But, no, this will be much more relaxing and serene. I roll over a lot and sleep on my side with an arm under my pillow usually. Not that night. I tried to fall asleep around 10:30 and probably tossed and turned for an hour. It felt like all night long, which in fact it was. Every move or readjustment I made caused me to tug and tangle the sensors. I had so many probes in my head that I felt like I had electric dreadlocks. But certainly I will sleep better....HA! I did no such thing. I slept like shit and felt crappy when the technician came in at 5:00am and said that he had enough data and that I could get up if I wanted to or I could keep sleeping. Gee, now there's a hard choice to make. Nope, I'm done, get me out of here. The technician said I slept 3-4 hours but never snored. What a surprise, I usually only snore when I am sound asleep so of course I didn't snore. Because I barely slept! I got home at 5:30am and promptly fell asleep for 4 hours. Monitor that! My guess is that the results will come back inconclusive. Ya think? Updates to follow....