Free Palm Trees, You Pick Up

In our front yard we have two extremely tall Washintonia Robusta palm trees. These trees are also known as the Mexican Fan Palm. They really should be called the Fucking Messy-Ass Palm. The trees are probably 50 feet tall and shed little black berries that look like rabbit shit all over our driveway and front yard. For the last 6 years we have tracked this rabbit shit into our house and cars. Walking barefoot to get the newspaper is near impossible because of this minefield. No amount of sweeping, hosing or cursing helps. The berries are so high up that we either have to live with it, have the trees cleaned or have them removed. This torture lasts about 2 months or so every Fall. Astute readers will conclude that the fuckers are coming out ASAP. Its a shame because they are mature trees that look impressive, but in reality they provide no shade and are really just a giant habitrail for the local squirrel population. Debby has wanted to have the trees removed for years but I have resisted as I can't see spending money to kill perfectly good trees. With yesterday's wind the rabbit shit berries came raining down like hail all over my PT Cruiser and the front porch. The defining moment was the dead palm branch that hit the roof of the garage with a heavy thud. Another 3 feet and it would have been the roof of my car. I take my time in making big decisions but when I do decide I am quite decisive in making something happen.

Here's the deal: the trees are yours for the asking, just come over, dig them out and take them home with you. First come, first served. No kidding. Free. Zero. Nada. Gratis. Bupkiss. Zilch.



By the way, you will need a crane, flatbed truck and liability insurance to get the trees off my property. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. Always. I'm awaiting bids on tree removal. Referrals welcomed. Updates to follow.