Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Father Knows Best

When I was growing up my father used to say that the world would be filled with better drives if all cars had machine guns mounted on them as standard equipment. My brother Scott and I used to think that it was a hilarious idea, but 30 plus years later I think the old man was right.

It is amazing to me the number of dumbshits out there on the roads. You already know my thoughts on cellphones and driving from my last post. Apparently, the rain brings out the stupidity in people as well. Driving home last night I witnessed several close calls committed by complete fucking morons. Had my PT Cruiser been equipped with weapons I would have done the citizens of the East Valley a public service. Geez people...think. Use some common sense. Just some...you can save the rest for tomorrow, but focus please when it is dark and wet.

For future reference, here is how to piss me off on the road:

Make a mad dash right turn out into traffic as I am bearing down on you then drive below the speed limit. If you are going to cut in front of me instead of waiting for me and the rest of traffic to pass, then speed the fuck up!

Take forever to make a right turn out of traffic, coming to almost a complete stop in doing so even though no one is in front of you. People, signal and make the freaking turn...!

Pull up next to me with your crap music "bumping" out your windows and into mine. If I wanted to listen to that shit I'd buy it myself.

Run an obvious red light. I mean a red light that is ready to turn green...that will get your ass blasted the day the guns are mounted. Everytime!

Stand in the street with a bunch of your drunken friends blocking traffic and then bang on my car as I go when I tell you to get out of the street. (That one did lead to slight 5 vs 1 scuffle.)

And finally (for now at least) drive way below the speed limit in the fast lane with your fucking turn signal blinking all the way. As Napoleon Dynamite would say, "IDIOT."