Cube Rules

Originally published by Steve Harvey in the Los Angeles Times on March 3rd, 2005:

Writer Don Barrett's laradio.com website obtained an interoffice memo sent to employees by Clear Channel Communications, owner of more than 1,000 stations, including KFI-AM (640) and KIIS-FM (102.7):

• Never enter someone's cubicle without permission.

• Behave as if a cubicle has doors.

• Don't loiter outside someone's cubicle waiting for them to finish a phone conversation.

• Eat quietly.

• Avoid gum popping, slurping, humming and pen tapping.

• Never eat hot food at your desk.

• Perfume and cologne should be avoided in a cubicle arrangement.

Now to add a few rules of my own as I am a cube dweller at the Mouse:

• If I look busy, I am.

• If my music is too loud, enjoy it.

• If I look like I am trying to ignore you, I am.

• If I look like I am paying you lip service just to get rid of you, I am.

• If I look like I enjoy absolutely no privacy, I don't.

• There is no sign that says information desk at my cube.

• Just because I look friendly and inviting doesn't mean that I am.

• Cold hard cash goes a long way with me.

• Reaching over my cube wall and playing with things on my desk is a sure fire way to piss me off.

• Shining my desk lamp in my face will get you an ass whooping, everytime.